The Poolie Bunker

and I hadn't seen a bloody cockroach for four days, I went out on the back balcony last night for a well earned cigar and there's two on the outside of the bug shield watching our rass in the shower. The pervy bastards.

So I went and fetched the mosquitocutor (TM and ((c)PK)) and zapped one of them but it just appeared to tickle it. One shot down the wall and under the washer and the other went up into the roller blind casing. Anyway ten minutes later, our rass is in the kitchen swearing (I think) and stamping about and she's mortalled one and the other has fled under the kitchen unit floor drain. I checks in the bathroom and there is cheeky Charlie sitting on the outside of the bug screen again so I gave him one in the midriff and he went sailing off into the blue although I did hear him land.

Obvious solution - shut the bathroom window. Does that, but you can't have the bug screen down and the window shut at the same time, the window handle gets in the way. I pulls the bug screen down as far as I can and THREE of the dirty fu ckers fall down between the screen and the window but I can't lock the screen, it's on a return spring.

So, I'm screaming like a girl and trying to hold the screen down one handed, our rass comes motoring in and leathers two with her flip flop, picking them up by the antennae and dropping them in the crapper (THAT'S courage in the face of adversity, take your shoe off when there's roaches about??? Yeah right....) while the other one fled into the roof space. I blocked the space off with a box that used to hold anti-ageing serum made from human placenta.

But that's another story.....

I had a bluebottle in the kitchen last night - i killed it.

I had a bottle of bud inthe kithcen last night I necked it ....

Kind Regards
Frank

Progress report:

Our rass has done for another one in the bathroom and dropped it in the cludgy. Must have been the third one from last night. I wish she'd told me before I went for a gypsy's 'cos I lifted the lid up and freaked again. You don't want to be getting your pride and joy out when there's cockroaches in the vicinity do you?? They must have got the name from somewhere.

A second one was gasping his last just inside the balcony doors, flat on his back, one antenna waving feebly in the air. She wrapped him in a paper funeral shroud, although he didn't know what it was at the time, and then stamped on the bastard and threw him off the balcony.

What exactly can a cockroach do to you? I was under the impression they were harmless! Obviously not by your stories.

Nowt.

Neither can Darloids but you don't make 'em welcome do you??

Yeah but I don't hit them with flipflops in the shower neither :p

does Kev wave his willy at Darloids too??!

Are any of them this big?

So if you bump into a Darloid in the shower.............??????????

Assuming that's a childs hand, which it looks like, yes, most of the bastards. We've tracked them down to the false ceiling above the kitchen now. you can hear 'em scuttling about, like the early scenes from The Exorcist.

Our rass has bought some 'medicine' she says kils the whole shooting match once one of them has eaten it and taken back to the faaaammmlly. Dunno why I've given cockroaches cockney accents but they remind me of Londoners somehow. Ha!! Cockneyroaches....

Anyway, came back from town yesterday, there's one on it's back outside the bathroom and another inside the back balcony door, both hauled up by the antennae and hurled into space by Mrs K. I asked why they've suddenly appeared paggered during the day and she says 'Oh they die after sex.'

Cockroaches shagging in your home in the afternoon............you don't want it do you??

not on that mate

i'd be on me way back to blighty

Well that and the mozzies are the only downsides really, and if you want the weather you get the bugs.

I can't have it all ways but roaches don't sit well with us Brits eh??

the 'medicine' you're referring to Kev works because cockroaches are cannabilistic. Once one of them dies from the poison the others eat it, then die themselves, ad infinitum etc etc.
We had them at work, smaller european type obviously. Not very nice I agree, especially when you have to sleep at work and know they've been in your room.

Fookin' sweet!!!!!

Chow down boys....yum yum!!!

Fan-bloody-tastic.

I'm on it as soon as I get back from me well earned break!!