The Poolie Bunker

I have to work at The Pyramid stage on Sunday evening at Glastonbury,that means Im gonna be sober i9n front of
The Manic Street Pillocks
The Kaiser Dullards

That's not a nightmare, THIS is a nightmare:

Last night I got out of the shower about 1am, blindly reached for a towel and started getting dried when something started to tickle my shoulder a bit.

Yep, cockroach in the towel..........I'm naked, I've got no specs or shoes on and this fookin beast was really annoyed..........

Mr Crimes, do you want a connect with the Beer Tent manager?? If so give me a PM and I'll sort it.

Should have given your rass a shout, she'd have made a nice stew out of it.

You don't know the truth of what you're saying there.

Couple of weeks ago, there was a roach in the bed, it ran up the back of my head, over the pillow and vanished, so I'm out of bed dancing, pointing and gibbering and she wakes up stretches yawns and asks what the problem is.

'Fookin' ROACH!!!!'

'And??'

'Fookin' ROACH!!'

'Roaches everywhere........this is China' Puts light out, goes back to sleep, muttering 'English poof.............. one little insect'

Cheers Kev,will do

I hope she was calling the roach an insect there,Kev. Otherwise you'll have to take her to court for derogatory remarks.
Are the local solicitors called Yoo Su Mi I Soo Yu?

Here's me going from your reports of China thinking it is some idyllic paradise mixing the best of communism and capitalism - and now you tell me that they have cockroaches running wild - I'm deflated.

Funny enough I'm considering an offer to work somewhere with lots of insects too. Mind you its not the livestock I'm worried about.

cockroaches are bollocks. We had them at work recently. Yes they dont look nice and are hard little bastards with a bit of disease in them but they dont bite you and kill you do they?
When I lived in Israel they had white scorpions. Now theyre the business. They can kill you within an hour or two if you dont seek help when bitten.
we used to go out looking for them, killing them.
Then there's the snakes.
And both the fuckers hide in your nice warm sleeping bag when youre out for the day.
I cant understand people having phobias when it comes to ordinary british soft as shite insects and wildlife.

Well let me try and explain........

I know they don't bite, I know that only the females, as is common in wildlife, are aggressive, I know only the males can fly and I know you shouldn't stamp on them as they spray their eggs all over when they're crushed. And no they're not fatal in any way, shape or form. I know you should expect these things when you live in the tropics. I know I'm a bit of a girl about 'em.

BUT IF YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME WANT TO GIVE 'EM A CUDDLE WHEN WE MEET BY CHANCE IN THE SHOWER OR BED THE SUN MUST HAVE GOT TO YOU IN ISRAEL!!!!!

They're fookin horrible!!

Anyway, I've found the secret.

Bay leaves.

They fookin hate 'em!!

You're going to become a dance instructor in a fast food restaurant?