The Poolie Bunker

The English language is great:

"After thinking about it, if I had woken up five minutes later I would have been dead."

http://www.hartlepoolmail.co.uk/news/Dr ... 3435464.jp

It's an easy language to learn but almost impossible for a foreigner to understand all the nuances. For example, imagine you were learning English as a foreign language and you learned these two words: sight and vision. Simple enough eh? What about these two sentences:

She looks a vision.
She looks a sight.

See what I mean.

Or how about "I told him quite slowly" compared with "I told him quite categorically".

Don't even start, I'm teaching Chinese people English at the Nationality Uni, the place where they study foreign culture.

Try this one:

Where

Were

Wear

Now YOU know, but try explaining for instance to a seven year old who will have decent grasp of English. Then start on a 20 year old with NO grasp.

English is bizarre. N'est pas?

But all those w(h)e(a)res are quite different, Kev. I've known lots of foreigners and none of them ever got mixed up
about w(h)e(a)res. You're just trying to confuse the natives so that they have to buy more lessons and you can fund the re-furbishing your study

And another thing. I found a genuine Chinese grocer's in Newcastle yesterday...the authentic article, right, all picture writing and no punctuation.
Approaching the freezer in fear and trepidation, what do I find? Why, none of the fearsome animal appendages that Kev's been frightening us with pictures of for months...just delightful little wontons and dumplings and crispy sea weed

Well, I wish you'd not asked that, Elvis, as I'm not one for noticing street names. I'd just come out of Grainger Market.

But there were definitely no ducks' beaks

Well if you actually pronounce the 'h' in 'where' like proper talkers do then that just leaves the two others to worry about.

Anyway stuff the Chinese - what about those whose mother tongue is English and still can't choose the right spelling between there, their, and they're.

But what's all this got to do with waking up dead?

warez thee problum lyke?